How Positive People Attract Negative People

Ever come across people who uplift your mood, make you feel better about yourself and always seem to be happy, no matter what happens to them (good or bad)? It’s not that they put any effort into making you feel that way about yourself….it’s just that their existence gives you that energy boost that you needed. Their ‘beingness’ inspires you to become a better person and/or you learn a lot from them just by being with them. Such people are known to be positive people because of the unintentional impact they have on others. They carry this vibe with them that automatically makes everything bad seem small and everything good seem even better than it might already be. They are what and how they are with everyone to the face and behind their backs, too.

These are the positive people of the world who unknowingly, unintentionally (and in some cases unwittingly) and lovingly encourage you to be better, do better and to be a better version of yourself.

On the other end of the spectrum, there are those whose mere presence makes you feel uncomfortable. They’re discouraging, spiteful and make anyone and everyone feel lowly about themselves and do not hesitate to backbite about others (regardless of how good or bad a person might be). Such people have an overwhelming presence, carry a negative vibe and always make you feel inhibited, awful about yourself and their only source of entertainment is other people. Their conversations will revolve around other people, their deeds and they will put others down, intentionally and unintentionally, both.

These are the negative people of the world who have no issues taking others down, talking about them behind their backs and no matter how nice you try to be towards them, they will always try to find some way to bring you (and others) down, one way or the other. Your energy levels drop around them and they cause you to unknowingly and unwittingly harbor thoughts of self-doubt, self-loathing, and this, in turn, affects your self-esteem.

Oftentimes, positive people seem to attract a sea of negative people. These people appear in their families, social circles, amongst their friends or they’re mere acquaintances and strangers who somehow seem to form an affiliation with their positive counterparts. Think you’re positive but don’t know why you seem to attract the muck of the earth? Here are a few possible reasons:

You’re negative yourself.

I don’t know how else to put it….so I’m just going to put it out there: you probably share a few traits with the people (or groups of people) who you avoid. I’ve seen many people who are good at heart and might say or do things that aren’t entirely negative BUT they will almost always share a few traits with the same people that they complain about.

A lot of times what happens is (at least in my personal experience) that people who are otherwise positive about 95 % of the time, will say or do things that are pretty much in line with what neggies (negative people) say or do. For example, they’ll sit and talk about other people behind their backs and are later baffled to find out someone was or is doing the same to them.

Sorry to break it to you but you attract what you are. Maybe you’re not a bad person at heart but you’re ENABLING such behavior which is why what you do to others, happens to you. This IS Karma in action….or as Justin Timberlake put it “What Goes Around (chorus), Come Around”.

You’re easy-going, sweet and carefree.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being either of those but (something I’ve personally seen and recognized) the problem comes when you assume others share the same general outlook and approach on life. Oftentimes, positive people tend to be happy-go-lucky and don’t mind giving others a second (third, fourth, 100th) chance but when you find yourself doing so more than you need to, you’re inviting such people into your lives.

It’s all energy, really. Think about it: you’re dedicating a certain amount of time and investing a certain amount of energy into negative people. Neither you nor the negative person in front of you is aware of the fact that you’re GIVING them YOUR energy by listening to them and giving them the chance to complain, bitch (about things or people- mostly people) and make you feel lowly about yourself some way or the other and they TAKE that energy by taking up your time….and quite literally, your energy too.

Ever noticed how you feel irritable, annoyed and lethargic after hanging out with such people? Compare this with how you feel when you’re passing by a sweaty, smelly person who you just KNOW isn’t wearing deodorant. Get the comparison? No? Well, like the analogical smelly person, a person who you feel drained and tired around is (as obviously as the same analogical stink bomb) most likely to be a negative person who you just spent a ton of time and energy on!

Be as you please but know where you’re spending your energy and allocate it to the right sources, people and things.

You think it’s a norm.

Positive people with a ‘be that as it may’ and accepting attitude are GREAT but when they think that it’s a norm and ‘okay’ to have people around them who do nothing but bitch, backstab, gossip and crap on one another- that’s when ISH HITS THE FAN.

No, drama is not a norm. No, being treated like crap is not normal. No, not everyone is as sweet, transparent or nice as you are. NONE OF IT IS NORMAL. By realizing this you can just filter out the people who contribute to negativity in their own lives and who unwittingly do the same to yours….and let in the positive, constructive ones who would ACTUALLY boost your self-esteem, self-confidence and self-image.

YOU have control over your life. YOU attract people to your life and you can just as well cut them out of it. YOU need to realize that being around people who pull you down, have no faith in you and make you feel like crap about yourself are NOT GOOD PEOPLE NOR SHOULD YOU INCLUE THEM IN YOUR LIVES.


You’re vulnerable.

Been there, done that. Having your heart broken (not necessarily by a romantic partner/lover) by someone or the other might cause you to need a lending hand. Under such circumstances you’re likely to take help from anyone who can provide you with the emotional help you need. Your emotions are like the bait on a fishhook while your potential support system is like a sea filled with clownfish and sharks.

If you’re not careful with who you’re revealing them to, you WILL come across a shark who just enjoys making you feel lowly about yourself…..and they might not even be aware of the fact that they enjoy your misery.

You want to be loved or needed. 

No one can rescue a damsel who enjoys her distress and this applies to positive people too. Everyone has had an unfortunate moment (or series of moments) that broke their heart or made them feel lowly about themselves. Such moments have two affects on people: they learn, let go and become generally positive about life OR they don’t learn, CAN’T let go and this makes them angry, bitter or sad people who are trapped in a vicious cycle where their negative outlook feeds their negative lifestyle and their negative  lifestyle continues to validate their negative outlook on life.

Positive people understand this and can empathize with their negative counterparts. They try to SHOW them the positives of life. Here’s the problem: the negative person has gone through SO MANY instances (not necessarily visible or understandable to others) in their lives that it has affected their outlook in a way that has changed their perception on life. And a positive person who understands this WANTS to change another’s  -at least one who has attracted such a person- outlook simply because they want to help…..AND because they like to feel that they are needed.

If you fall under this category you might even have dated someone who made you feel horribly about yourself or you may have surrounded yourself with toxic friends, family members and employers who contributed to the negativity UNDER YOUR NOSE. Friends who backbite about you or one another are NOT YOUR friends. Family members who are not cool with you (insofar- I studied law so I can legit use this term….but then I left it- as you are not hurting other) and make you feel badly about yourself are NOT “family” and a partner who cheats on you is NOT a good person. Stop telling yourself and others “at least they helped me” or “at least he/she was there for me when I needed him/her most”.

You’re nice and sweet and, that’s not a bad thing….unless you’re attracting negative people who act like hornets to a flower. A negative person is likely to view your support and help in a manner that is not only damaging to themselves but is also damaging to you. They might not share the same views or outlook on life as you and being as negative as they, they’re much more likely to perceive what you’re telling them, negatively.

For example, a simple word of advice on how to handle finances might be taken in an offensive manner (happened to me a few years ago); an advice on weight loss would be treated defensively (also happened to me a few years ago) OR a lending hand might be mocked behind your back or seen as an ulterior motive (*insert previous bracket texts here*).

It’s fine to love and spread the love or to want to help people but someone who does not appreciate nor want your compassion but DOES mock it is NOT your friend. As the saying goes: you can’t put a flower in an ass an call it a vase.


Let me know if there are any other topics you’d like me to address and feel free to comment below 🙂 Hope this article helps y’all!


How Stress Affects Skinny-fat People

Hey, readers!

I’d vowed to post on how stress correlates to skinny-fat and here’s a product of my promise to you.I’m going to go real slow and attempt to explain things without much scientific jargon here.

Most people are unaware of the fact that the way they feel and/or think DOES and WILL affect their bodies. Therefore, the more you tell yourself you can’t do something, the more you believe that sentiment and thought. This thought is then translated in the inability to do a certain act. Likewise, the more you tell yourself you can do something, your mind will internalize the belief till there comes a point when you can actually do that certain act. Thus the thought is executed and then, *boom* becomes an act or action.

Now, this is a simpler analogy of what thoughts and therefore, the mind CAN do to your body. Let’s get into the details to explain why skinny-fats are or stay skinny-fat, where stress is concerned.

What is stress?

Stress is a natural reaction to danger that can come in any form. Maybe you’re going through a divorce or you were thinking about the awful day you had at work. Or perhaps, you like somebody that doesn’t like you back or you might have been reliving your past.

Alternatively you might experience stress because of a quarrel or someone might be headed your way with a bat or you might have crashed your vehicle in a tree or into another car.

All of these are examples of ‘dangers’ and incidences that act as stimuli for the brain. The brain signals your nervous system to prepare you by producing the stress hormones, cortisol and adrenaline and you experience a fight or flight moment.

This is not a bad thing. It’s just the way your body is made to function.

Why is it bad for skinny-fat people?

When your body produces cortisol, the stress hormone does the following:

  • Breaks down fat stored in your body, for energy. If this is NOT used, the body fat will be relocated to the midsection thus causing you to gain fat specially around that area.
  • Breaks down muscle (or amino acids in your muscles), again, for energy and the byproduct of the process is glucose aka sugar, which is again stored as fat AROUND YOUR MIDSECTION (it’s like your midsection just can’t catch a break!)
  • Enables your body to reduce testosterone levels. This causes you to gain weight…..guess where? AROUND YOUR MIDSECTION, chest and legs! Additionally, you cannot ‘gain size’ either.

Consequentially, you cannot ‘gain mass’ because….you know….cortisol. AND though you CAN and DO lose weight……but that’s because your body is attacking it’s muscles! Imagine the process repeating itself on a daily basis- you end up becoming flabby, fat and voila, skinny-fat. This is also why a skinny-fat person cannot LOSE fat nor GAIN muscle mass.

A skinny-fat person is almost ALWAYS under some form of stress- everybody is. But the skinny-fat person deals with stress in a negative and more harmful way. I remember, when I was skinny-fat I was always under emotional and psychological stress. I’d find issues where they didn’t exist and I wouldn’t allow my body to get with Elsa and JUST LET THINGS GO.

This is not applicable only to skinny-fat people. What I’ve explained above is experienced by everyone but they are better at handling stress than a skinny-fat person. I, for instance, would stress out more easily over, say, poor grades and test scores than my fitter counterparts who would just let things slide and work towards improving their grades. I couldn’t let my past failures go and would dwell on them and lo and behold, the past would  repeat itself!

So you see, a skinny-fat person is not BORN skinny-fat and a fit person is not just born with a six-pack. What gets you to where your body is the way you live your life, your perceptions and how you deal with life in general. I know numerous people who were fitter as they were younger but became skinny-fat or just fat due to their circumstances.

How does one undo this?

What I do or tell my clients to do is to

  • Accept things as they are and find a way to deal with them in a constructive manner
  • Live in the now rather than thinking about the past or the future
  • Hit the gym, pump some iron and focus on a healthy, constructive workout routine and diet plan
  • Channel that energy and stress by lifting weights
  • Talk to their trainers, coaches (or me) to help them deal with stress factors and

The minute I learned to just let things go and deal with life as it came, my metabolism changed and I was able to ‘fix’ my body.

At the end of the day, your body and life is a product of the way you think and perceive things. This is WHY fitness is referred to as a ‘lifestyle’. The minute you get off the bandwagon, you are at risk of repeating your past mistakes and getting back into that pit that made you fat or skinny-fat in the first place.

I hope this article helps you!

Feel free to post questions and comment in the section below 🙂

The Quarter-Life Crisis Syndrome

In this day and age, where so many people seem to be doing well, on social media and otherwise, it’s not uncommon for a lot of 20 + year olds to draw comparisons, wonder “Am I doing well in life?” and then, feel like a complete loser for not being where others are or seem to be.

I mean, every time you click on someone’s profile or Facebook Page, you get this entire world of entrepreneurial material that makes you sit and wonder “What are THESE people doing that I’m not” and when nothing else comes to mind you just opt to feel like a complete loser, even though you aren’t one…….and that’s an issue that has become completely normal. Unhealthy, untrue and useless….but acceptance of this state of mind has made it normal nevertheless.

In fact, this post is the product of a query asked by a particular SnapChat follower which (though not worded exactly as mentioned here) was as follows: how does one deal with stress…..especially if it makes you skinny-fat?

When I asked them about the cause of stress they mentioned that a quarter-life crisis had impacted them to the extent that it actually affected their weight. As much as I (at one point in time) would have said that this is manageable, a person actually going through the process finds it a lot more difficult to digest their past failures, especially as a 20-something year old than someone who’s older. Why? Because this is the first time they’ve come into their own and are dealing with responsibilities, work, unsolicited bs advice and all sorts of issues that can weigh them down. Having been through this process myself, here are a few things I feel could help anyone going through this process:

Read self-improvement books and articles.

When I was going through a rough time, I picked up any and every book that screamed “self-improvement”. The Power of Now, The Secret, The Power. I followed Positive Psychology and other Pages and accounts of the sort on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. I kept it to myself at first because a lot of people who meant well would dismiss the idea and say “I could have told you the same things these lame books are telling you” and I’d just be like “BUT YOU AIN’T, BEYOTCH”.

Such material helps you realize that there are others out there and it enables you to understand your mind processes and direct your energy in a more positive and effective manner. Honestly speaking, I’ve NEVER felt as low as I once did because such books taught me a lot more about myself than any person (or their experience) ever did.

Focus on your talents and interests.

I know it seems useless or tough at first but TRUST ME when I say that it really does pay off in the long run (insert large brick wall with a middle finger imprinted on it to articles that say following your heart is never a good idea) but be practical about it. The more you focus on your talents and interests, the closer you come to discovering your ‘true calling’ and that way you end up in a field of work that doesn’t feel like work because you actually enjoy what you do.

Like to write? Come up with a blog. Enjoy keeping fit? Look for places that are interested in hiring instructors and work on yourself. Love to cook? Get a few ingredients, get into the kitchen and ask your friends, family and God for forgiveness in advance because you ARE likely to burn or spoil the first meal you make.

Know that your past is your past. 

Most people allow the past to affect and define them and hey, I get it. If you failed in the past, you fear the same result might repeat itself in the future. But here’s the thing: the past is gone and the future isn’t here yet….hence, the word “future”. This just fuels the crisis aspect of the matter and guess what: it’s doing you more harm than it is good.

Rather than allowing past failures to get to you, you SHOULD be focusing on your past successes, in the present. AND learn from your failures. I can’t even begin to describe the number of times I’ve failed in various aspects of my own, personal life…..I mean I can but I don’t want to sound like a ‘pity me now’ record because there are too many peeps out there that are already doing that for a living. BUT the one thing that I learned to do was to stop looking at those moments as failures and to start looking at them as learning curves. Off the top of my head I failed quite a few subjects as a student. Math was never a strong point. I had to repeat a year back when I was in school and then once when I was in college.  I failed at losing weight AND to top it all off, I was this painfully shy kid who allowed people to bully me when I knew I needed to take control.

Feeling bad for me yet? If not, you’re just cold.
But seriously, all of what I’ve written above is true. After a certain point (I believe when I was 20) I learned to look past these failures and to build on them so that I wouldn’t feel miserable about myself. Not only did that work phenomenally to my advantage but it also made me feel emotionally independent, mentally stronger and physically fitter as a person.

Build a support system.

One of the most important lessons I learned in life was not to just rely on every Tom, Dick and Shagufta out there but to build a support system that was inclusive of honest, blunt but positive people and friends.

Someone going through a quarter-life crisis is likely to hang out a lot and to socialize more than he or she needs to because such people find comfort in temporary distractions. The problem is, you’re not just distracting yourself but you’re also attracting a plethora of negativity because you’re surrounding yourself with people who care less about you than I do about Game of Thrones (UGHHHHHH). That’s saying A LOT by the way. Seriously, stop caring about who’s wearing what and pay no heed to gossip, rumors and STOP CALLING FAKE PEOPLE YOUR FRIENDS. Filter them out and start listening to the people who actually do care about you as a person.

Talk to people who don’t judge you but who TRY to understand you and what you’re going through (instead of those who make fun of you). Stop socializing and start introspecting. Such people will actually provide you with useful tips and the kind of help you need because they know and genuinely care for you.

Get to know yourself.

Spend some time AWAY from everything and everyone else. Get to know yourself and DO NOT allow yourself to emotionally invest yourself elsewhere before you do so. This way you end up a happier, more grounded person than someone who’s all about labels and an entire jargon of superficial crap that’ll transform itself into a blob of botox a few years from today.

I remember when I was going through this phase in my life, I’d just listen to songs that would make me feel sane. I’m not ashamed to say Hilary Duff was my favorite artist because there was something about her songs that just made everything feel brighter and actually enabled me to get out of a horribly depressive phase.


Hopefully the tips I’ve given you above would help you but if not, you can always send me a message on my page.

But why shouldn’t you allow the stress to get to you?

Here’s why: stress affects you in multiple ways and I’m not just talking about weight here. Back when I was living in Islamabad (the capital of Pakistan and the hub of boredom but scenic beauty too) stressful social (not domestic) circumstances had affected me to the extent that I was depressed, physically weak and I eventually had to be hospitalized till a doctor suggested I needed to move away ASAP because matter would only get worse from that point on. I was suffering from borderline typhoid AND depression and I’d lost my best friend in an unfortunate car accident.

Therefore, the stress had seeped into and affected every aspect of my life, making me a physically weak (albeit flabby), emotionally drained and vulnerable individual who had a lot of work to do on himself.

This is something that many people going through quarter-life crisis experience too but they aren’t always aware of the psychological, physical and mental and emotional implications.


Hope this article helps you and if you have any queries or questions, feel free to comment in the comments section below!


How to Know That You’re Toxic

Maybe I’ve been listening to Britney Spears’ “Toxic” too much or I’ve just been mentally haphazard more than I need to be but it’s never too late to write on something that could help readers understand when and if they’re encountering toxic people…..or if you’re amongst this group of peeps yourselves.

So, how DO you know if you’re toxic (or are dealing with a person who’s full of hate and loathing)?

You belittle people.

I mean, that’s just a no-go area. If someone’s sensitive about an issue and you still bring up that issue in front of an audience because it makes YOU feel good, validated and enables you to derive some sort of sick pleasure from targeting them like that, you might as well write “Caution: I’m Toxic” on your head and dive head first into an empty pool. Belittling people about something that’s personal is just plain mean and rude. The world’s got enough fake products and people out there and you don’t need to be amongst them.

You don’t mind throwing people in front of the bus….so long as you’re safe. 

If you’ve got a friend in need of your help or a colleague who’s helped you in some capacity or the other and you don’t mind stepping on them to seem like an angel or to succeed, you might as well take that halo off and say bye bye to your success because Karma’s just around the corner, waiting to strike.

Good friends/colleagues/people acknowledge the worth and effort of those who have helped them achieve their goals. Bad ones….well…they do what you do.

You discourage people because it makes you feel good about yourself. 


Most people out there need that encouraging jolt or vibe that makes them feel like they can do whatever they want to- while keeping realities in mind, of course. But if you’re amongst the kind of people who like to rub the harsh ‘facts’ in their faces because YOU don’t want them to succeed, deep down inside, get off of that high horse and let it gallop all over your back.

You point out what others have done wrong…..when in fact you’ve done the same things before (or will do them in the future). 

It’s funny how most people don’t realize how they’re doing the EXACT same things that they condone in others. By way of example I was hanging out with a bunch of people that referred to one another as ‘close friends’ or ‘best friends who I’d kill others for’ but they said the meanest, most awful things about one another behind their backs. This wasn’t a venting session- it was actually a few hours long conversation on  why the other person was horrible and how they needed to ‘fix themselves’….

Of course a few weeks later I found that somehow their ire and disgust didn’t apply to themselves because, you know, they’re saints who can do no wrong. If you happen to fall under this category, shame on you.

You’re downright rude and mean to people who are not as privileged as you.

It’s one thing to stand up to someone if they’re being offensive towards you but being rude and taking advantage of your privilege over someone who’s not as fortunate as yourself is probably one of the worst things you could do.

Being mean to a waiter; commenting on someone’s clothes and appearance and talking about them as if they’re objects of distaste, disgust (and your entertainment) is not ‘cool’ nor ‘funny’. It just goes to show that you’ve got an awful personality and approach to life that’s dependent upon belittling others for your own sad satisfaction.


How to Deal with Insecurities

Insecurity is an ugly thing and what’s even worse than the fact that something so wretched exists is that it is often a product of what bullies say to us with bad intentions.

Having grown up in a city and amongst people who did nothing but manipulate others and then, use their insecurities to bring them down, I’m aware of the impact of emotional bullying on one’s personal growth, confidence and that little voice in your head- that tells you that you are worthless, incapable, a horrible person, unworthy, dumb, look horrible, fat or thin, undeserving of someone or something, etc. – makes you believe that you ARE your insecurities.

But here’s the thing: those aren’t YOUR characteristics nor do they define you. That isn’t YOUR voice- it’s the collective ranting of what everyone else wants you to believe about yourself.

They’re really just words that have been thrown at you and absorbed by your subconscious mind because a bunch of insensitive, hurtful, morons out there are trying their best to make you believe you’re like them. You’re just giving power to words- untrue words- that have no meaning or bearing on your existence, capabilities and personality. If anything, the people uttering the words that make you feel negatively, about yourself, ARE the words that they ‘inflict’ upon you.


Think about it: they live in this toxic world where they believe that degrading another is positive or something that is ‘required’ for a healthy lifestyle OR they do so intentionally, to bring you down because they’re rotten to the core but they’ll pass it off as something that was ‘meant to be funny’ or something that they ‘didn’t mean’. The problem with that is that the label assigned to the person by ANYONE, in that manner, becomes THEIR reality because they allow themselves to believe that there exists a correlation between the insults and their personality.

Exhibit A (personal experience)

When I had lost enough weight but was still prone to self-doubt and internal conflict because I believed what others told me was true, someone I once called a friend told me that I had lost too much weight, started looking anorexic (which is a word one should never just throw around casually, considering the gravity of anorexia) and horrible. In my personal opinion I looked fine. My best friends- extremely positive people who have a habit of calling a spade a spade and are blunt enough to let me and each other know when we’re wrong- felt the same way about me. But then, here was an outsider, who came from a horrible world where all people did was thrive on one another’s negativity and bitching, who’s words felt like this visceral cut, who  WANTED me to believe that I was the decimated person that he thought me to be in his head.
Was I that person? No, I wasn’t. I was eating well, looked healthier than he wanted me to believe and I was more than happy and comfortable in my skin, when I look back now, BUT his words did affect my confidence. Why? Because I, the owner of the body that the self-loathing person above commented on, gave HIS words power and believed in what HE told me……even though none of it was true.

Exhibit B

A GORGEOUS friend of mine fell into an unfortunate ‘clique’ that made her believe that they were ‘hot’ while she was ‘not’- yes, somehow such people do exist in this world. Please note, that the said clique itself had more makeup on than a chocolate cake with 3 layers of frosting and were rotten to the core. Said friend had an amazing personality, a good heart and a great personality- BUT words thrown at her by her clique made her believe otherwise. Though she recovered from the damage done to her self-esteem, it took her a long while to get where she is today. However, was she what her wanted her to believe about herself?
Not really but the fact that she allowed herself to dwell over the words of her haters and let them affect her, put her into a world of confusion and insecurities that made her believe that she was what others wanted her to believe.

In other words, (you can jump to this part and skip Exhibits A and B), you are not the words that people throw at you and nor are you as flawed as they’d like you to believe. If anything, those who inflict emotional harm on you, your personality and/or appearance are the ones who carry their insecurities and project what they believe about themselves, onto others.

So, how do you DEAL with insecurities once you’ve adopted them?

Understand that what you have allowed yourself to feel is NONE of your business and concern. It is simply a product of the types of people you have had to deal with but what they think of you and believe in regards to any aspect of your life does NOT affect you nor determine what or who you are as a person.

Once you’ve internalized this fact, separate your thoughts from the words and thoughts that have been fed to you by the people that have caused you to feel negatively about yourself. And now focus primarily on the thoughts that are related to your existence and general being.

If YOU, as an individual, are unsatisfied with your weight, job, friends, first accept the issue and then, focus on solving the problem. Hit a gym. Find a gym and focus on losing or gaining weight. Meet people who are secure with themselves and celebrate you instead of hanging out with clicks and insecure people who can’t see beyond the flaws.

And lastly, know that you’re the ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD who can change things for yourself. Others will always have an opinion of you, no matter what your intentions are/were for an act. 10 people might support a step you take or a decision you make or a 100 might be against something you do but what you feed your thoughts, mind and brain is dependent on you.

At the end of the day, you’ve GOT to ask yourself this question: am I my own person or am I becoming someone that others want/judge/perceive me to be? If you’re your own person, you’ll be able to brush aside the bullshit thrown your way by those who insult you. If not, well… this article again 😛

Feel free to share  your views and comments in the section below 🙂

3 Types of Flirts You WILL Come Across

Pakistan is an expert in the production of several raw material and products and one such product happens to be flirts. Social media, real life experiences- of my own and those that I’ve heard of or learned from others- and life in general has been highly supportive of the general perception that this is a fun, interesting breeding ground for the smoothest flirts in the world.

Let’s explore a few:

  1. The “Dear…..” Types
    Up until the age of 17 I presumed “Dear” was a word that people used to refer to one another affectionately or to start a letter, written to some entity, sitting across the globe. Of course, the advent of social media brought with it a world of frustration and plethora of people who’s only source of communication to the outside world was an empty display picture and a conversation that started with “Dear, y3W H@Ve Am@z1Ng smile” (Translation: Dear, you have amazing smile)- because, of course, who wouldn’t find that charming.
    Then, of course, there are the “Dear….” types that make you regret ever having features that God has gifted you with because then, you start to wonder whether those particular features were made to attract a world of Sleazbola.
    Exhibit A (citing a friend’s experience aka citing a violation to an innocent bystander’s Facebook inbox): “Nyce eyezzzzz….dear”- because, you know, grammatical errors are so sexy.
  2. The “I’ve seen you somewhere” Types
    Yes, thank you, it’s always flattering to know you’re worth a stalker or two………except…. it’s not. This particular breed of flirters is far more suave (at least in it’s own head) than any other. Please note “I’ve seen you somewhere” is a conversation starter. It’s not supposed to creep you out (except it does).
    And if you present a subtle confrontation by asking “Where?” they’ll go through your friend’s list and talk about a particular party that a mutual friend might have thrown….that you never went to. Shit just got creepier, right?
  3. The “Wanna Frandship” Types
    God has been kind enough to keep me away from this form of verbal destruction to the English language but I’ve heard that this particular breed of flirters is on the rise. Evidently they’re being reproduced and launched into the market by manufacturers in packs now. They’re kinda like the “Lawn” joras and trends that seem to be all the rage in Pakistan- since the past 4 years.

Don’t make the mistake of assuming you won’t come these flirters.  They’re like the apocalypse: just around the corner and ready to strike you at any moment or time. So don’t be surprised if “iNNoX3nT Prinx3Ss” sends you a message in your inbox at 230 AM. Chances are they’re just waiting for the right moment.

4 Reactions You Get When You Are Generally Weak in Your National Language

I’ve frequently come across a wide array of people with an entire palate of responses to people who are generally not as fluent in their national language as they need to be. While some people do so because they want to act ‘cool’ (which frankly they don’t) there are those unfortunate few who have never lived in a culture that would enable them to speak their national language the way they would genuinely like to. Being someone who isn’t as fluent in his national language, I can empathize with you, if you fall under the same category as me.

Hence, here are 5 reactions that you’re likely to get (and answers you can get to deal with such reactions):

  1. Uhh….seriously? Thumhay Urdu nahi aatee? (You don’t know your national language?) *insert eye roll here*No, I do. I just like to ask question from unhelpful pricks like you because I love to waste oxygen and pollute earth with your presence.In Urdu: Nahi jee. Aatee hay magar aap jaisay bakwas-khor se mujhay baath karnay ka bohat shawk hay.
  2. What? How can you NOT know your own language?
    You don’t know the language of kindness. I’m not fluent in my national language. You’re an asshole. I’m just not fluent.In Urdu: Dekhain, aap ko tameez kee zubaan nahi aatee. Mujhay Urdu nahi aate. Farak sirf ye hay keh aap ek intehaayee churaay mizaaj ke insaan hain. May sirf Urdu may weak hoon.
  3. (If you mix genders) Hahahaha, you don’t know the difference between “ka” (masculine) and “ki”? Hahahaha!No but I sure as Hell know the difference between my fist by my side and in your face.
    In Urdu: Nahi par moo par chapair khanay aur na khanay ka farak pata hay. Kya aap ke moo par example dekhaon?
  4. What do you think of yourself? (Aap apnay aap ko kya samajhtay hain?)
    I haven’t had much time to think about that but I do know how much pain I can inflict 😀In Urdu: May nay kabhi socha nahi laikan chapair se aap ko kitnee dard ho gee- is ke baaray may zaroor socha hay.

Have you ever experienced language-shame? Do tell in the comments section below 🙂