I’m painfully democratic when it comes to leading life and making choices but there are times when I wonder if I’d let people come to a gym- if I had my own. That’s probably the point at which I discovered I can also be something of a dictator…..or I’m compelled to become one. Gyms can sometimes feel like Sodom and Gabora- except its overflowing with people who ooze hormones, frustration and their own version of intellect.
1. The Trainer Who Suffers from the Verbal Inquiry Syndrome
The gym I go to does not offer personal training (thank God) and yet trainers ask me questions and promote certain workout programs without knowing anything about them. Look, it’s my body and unless I decide to allow you to “do what you want with my body”, chances are anything you’re saying is just passing through my head or making me wish I were dead instead.
2. The Fauxliticians
These guys will sit on the cycles or walk on the treadmill while talking about politics and that’s fine. But then, they’ll go up to people who have no interest in such conversations and ask them a number of questions regarding their political affiliations.
I understand that you wish to bring about some form of change in your country but you’ve got your wife, children and a bunch of other people who are stuck with you to listen to that crap. Pump iron at the gym but if you can’t, dump loathsome hate quotes and political jibberish on your family.
3. The Trendsetter Wetters
These guys are just so keen to be “in” that they’ll discuss anything that’s “trendy” and it seems their keenness might cause them to urinate. These guys will talk about celebrities, people, concepts and anything that they saw or read a day or so ago on the television or newspaper.
P.S- I HATE the word ‘trend’.
Example- I’ve known about “The Illuminati” since ages. I love them- I find freemasons, the illuminati and other people of the sort very interesting. A few years ago a documentary entitled “The Arrivals” came out.
Now, I’m a Madonna-Lover and I love masonic songs. I’m also proud to say that my interests or knowledge hasn’t affected me. Thanks to The Arrivals I was called the “devil” or follower of the Anti-Christ for a week- once by a trainer and once or twice by a fellow gym-goer.I understand their desire to undermine me but you know what the Masons AREN’T doing? They’re not getting on my nerves and its always trendy to mind your own business.
4. The Social Media Abusers
Unless you’re serious about gym or are a trainer, fitness coach or someone who intends on getting serious about his body, I don’t see WHY you should take pictures of yourself lifting at weights. It’s irritating, annoying, cheap and also, you’re gymblocking me.
Such people make you wait for years and only when they’re done with 3 useless sets of dumb SnapChat/Instagram pictures, they’ll let you use the dumbbell or weight you had your eyes on.
5. The Cavemen
These guys are aliens to the concept of deodorant and stink up the entire gym. If you want to show off your body, that’s one thing but causing nasal and brain damage is another matter. Take pity on mankind and apply some deo- trust me, one spritz could save 10 lives.
6. The Disappointed “Studs”
These guys have a two-tier system:
a. They’ll brush back their hair or look at themselves in mirrors nearby and then, when they’ve decided that they’re the best thing that could happen to the opposite gender they’ll
b. Ask if “chicks/babes/girls/hot girls” come to the gym.
I don’t understand HOW that will help them lose or gain weight. These guys need to keep their hormonal overload under control and remember that they’re at the gym to work on their bodies- not on their pelvic regions.
Plus, learn a few manners and stop oggling at everything and everyone and you might get SOMEWHERE in life.
7. The Lame Ones
These guys can crack the LAMEST and most irritating jokes. If you can’t crack a funny joke, then, try to say something offensive but please, don’t try breaking the ice with a lame ‘quip’.
Example- when I was studying law this guy asked me if I was studying to become a ‘lawyer’ or ‘liar’. That joke must have been funny back in his day but it just made me want to throw a dumbbell on his head.
8. The Weight Watchers (no pun intended)
The weight watchers will stand on weighing scales EVERY SINGLE DAY. When they see that they haven’t dropped a single pound they’ll nag, whine and cry. If you’re serious about losing weight, drop the FAD (failed and dumb) diets and start eating according to your goals. And no, Weight-Watchers, Dr Zeuss and Yo-Yo Dieting will not help you lose weight. You’re wasting your trainer’s time by nagging and my patience because I can hear your complaints, too.
9. The Competitors
These guys want to prove that they’re better than you and so, if you’re lifting a certain amount of weight, they’ll look at you (to see if you’re looking at them) and then, lift the same weight. The point here is to prove that this guy knows EVERYTHING about working out…..until he or she gets injured or tired.
Side note– it always feels awesome when they call you crazy afterward just because they failed at proving their superiority :p