Sticks and stones might hurt my bones but nothing hurts worse than someone who believes he/she is still in high school- because hitting the age of 20 isn’t proof enough for them. I’ve always believed that once you’re out of high school you’re more certain of yourself, in some ways, but then, there’s an entire class of degenerates that feels they’re entitled to a lifetime of hormonal changes.
1. The Two-Faced Disgrace
A blonde bombshell once requested that if one were to be two-faced they should ensure that at least one of those faces is pretty. Sigh, Marilyn Munroe, you might be dead now but had you lived you would’ve come to the realization that it’s not that these people aren’t ‘pretty’- it’s just that they’ve decided to wear the brand of Desperation on their faces for fame, success and fun. The Two-Faced Disgrace can be man or woman but I believe that to assign them a gender is too kind seeing as how men and women aren’t as petty as this category. I’d rather just call them cowards.
Also, they say beauty lies in the eyes of the Beholder. Unfortunately, their IS NO BEHOLDER for this class.
You can identify a two-faced coward by paying attention to how IT (not he/her) talks about it’s friends. Venting is one thing but if all this coward does is to bitch about it’s friends, know that you’re in the midst of the two-faced disgrace.
2. The Subtle What-eles
The Subtle What-eles are another class of degenerates that might seem they believe in you when the only thing they want to see is your ass, flat, on ground with no grass. These people are usually envious of you and want nothing more than to see you fail. Trust me, if and when the time comes they WILL step on you to rise. These guys are like the Gretchen Wieners (except their wieners are snipped off by their lack of personality) of your post-high school life.
Also, they’ll say things to belittle you in a subtle manner but if you confront them, trust their vocal cords, much like their honesty or ability to be genuine, are clogged up because of years of bullshit, belittlement and cowardice.
To Those of You Who Don’t Know GW– Gretchen Wieners was a character in Mean Girls.
How to Identify The Subtle What-else- pay attention to the vibe you get from them. Anyone who falls under this category will constantly belittle your dreams like a wet blanket under the pretense that they’re “just trying to help”. Or they might use phrases like “no offense but” or “not to play Devil’s advocate but…”.
Please- even the Devil wouldn’t want a ball-less moron like you to be his advocate and secondly, no offense but you need to pick a dictionary or go back to high school to understand what the word ‘offense’ means.
3. The Social Climbers
The social climbers might not be as harmful as the last two batches but these degenerates still need to learn to be comfortable in their own skins. They’ll step on you to get to know someone (who you might be friends with) because they’re either- rich, important or famous. Oh and of course, they might want to sleep with your friend(s), too.
How To Identify Them–
A. If their pants fall off faster than you can complete a sentence, when you’re in the midst of a person they like,
B. If they gossip/bitch about you to your friend
C. If they suck up like mad fuck-ups to your friend
know that you’re in the midst of a social climber.
I’d advice you to cut them loose before they use you as a rung for their own personal and monetary satisfaction and sexual action.
4. The Braggers That Transform into Naggers
This specie has the beautiful ability to brag about their money, wealth, looks (yes, their own looks) and other superficial bullshit. I’ve come to realize that these morons are usually mistaking their parents’ wealth for their own.
When they don’t get the attention they want (God bless their stupid intentions and you for listening to them), they’ll nag and complain or wonder why they’re alone or why they aren’t getting everything
they feel they deserve from life and God.
5. The Maytheists Who Impose Their Beliefs On You
Personally, I have nothing atheists and I’ve quite a few friends who are atheists, too. However, there’s this new generation of atheists- I call them maytheists because they have no clue what atheism is about- that believes on imposing its pathetic beliefs on anyone who’ll listen.
Grow up and stop whining to the world about your issues. If I were a Supreme Being I’d have zapped you there and then. WHY God has done so is beyond me but perhaps if you stopped badmouthing Him to everyone, that rod of Karma might just get out of your ass.
(to be continued 🙂