So, if you read the last post and came to the realization that you are a pushover, you’ll need to do something to work on your self-esteem and test people. Secondly, deal with people head on and thirdly, give the people who bulldoze over you reason to fear you (without being cruel). I’ll explain each of these to you in parts. These ‘methods’ have worked well for me over the past 7 years of my life and I hope they help you, too :).
So, let’s talk about the first ‘method’- working on your self-esteem and testing people.
Every pushover has self-esteem issues. It’s not that he or she isn’t comfortable in his/her own skin but the pushover fears drama and confrontation- even when the latter would actually benefit him/her. Even God encourages war in times of need- why hold back when you’re dealing with a pushy person, then?
Understand that you’re the only one who’s capable of changing your life and the way people deal with you. You may be a good person but it’s important to know when to push back. Some people just are rotten to the car and attention whores who will do anything to get to their goals. Here are few tips (which I MIGHT elaborate on in a fourth post, if need be):
1. Accept Yourself
Learn to do this before you can do anything else. Know and love yourself for who you are. Your age, weight, height, sexuality, preferences and what anyone else thinks of you really doesn’t matter- IT REALLY DOESN’T.
People who take advantage of other people often do so because 1. They do not accept themselves for what and who they are and so, 2. they don’t accept others for who they are either.
2. Be Gentle and Kind
Accept others for who they are, too and be kind to them. The kinder you are to people, the less stress you take on. No matter who you’re talking to or how cruel/negative they might be, talk to them if they’re talking to you.
Pushovers might be confused about what this has to do with NOT being a pushover but read on 🙂 From here on, I’ll be focusing primarily on how to test people
3. Take The Backseat & Observe People
Before opening up to anyone, just sit back and observe everyone around you. Try to get a ‘feel’ of how they interact with their friends, spouses, family, strangers and such like. This way you’ll be able to learn about them. I always observe people and often find that people aren’t as sweet or unkind as they might seem at first sight.
1. Are they backbiting about people (family members and ‘best friends’)?
2. Are they nasty and/or pushy towards people?
3. Do they seem pretentious?
If the answer to the 3 questions is “yes” then, you’re probably looking at someone who can and will take advantage of you.
4. Let People Approach You
I’ve got a strict “Don’t talk unless you’re spoken to” policy. I usually only talk or am extremely chatty with people I like/love. However, if someone I don’t know or like is in my vicinity, I don’t interact with them unless I have to greet them.
If someone of the sort approaches you smile, be nice but slightly reserved. Don’t tell them too much about yourself. Listen to them and divert the conversation if they’re talking about something that you’re not too happy with.
5. See How They Treat You
People will approach you for one (or more than one) of the following reasons-
A. They genuinely like you and are good people at heart
B. They need something from you- this could be a favor (of any sort- sexual too)
C. They need someone to speak to.
People that fall under category A are amazing at heart and they’re most likely to talk about positive things. Such people have already accepted themselves, are amazing friends and they’ll also accept you for who you are. Joke, laugh and make plans with them because you’ll have the time of your life with these people.
People who fall under category B are conniving irritants who will act fake. They’ll constantly test the waters and talk about a topic or person they ‘need your help with’. Someone who wants sex will drop hints that are painfully obvious while anyone wanting money is likely to always wallow in self-pity and say things like “I wish someone could help me” or they’ll touch on the topic in other ways, for example.
Flirt with these people. I’ve found that flirting or cracking a few jokes will help you break the ice with them and that’s when their intentions become clearer. Once this happens, joke and continue being yourself but don’t talk much with them. Socially or otherwise. Defend the people they backbite about or talk about their positive points with the B’s instead.
People who fall under category C aren’t bad at heart. These people might appear to fall under category B when they’re actually tilted towards category A. They’ll be nice towards you but since they hang out with several people fall in category B, you might not get to witness their good side socially. Talk/text or hang out with them when they’re not with the B’s and you’ll see they’re sweethearts. Just BE THERE for them and give them a shoulder to cry on or listen to them.
6. Be Polite To People Who Are Polite With You
Regardless of the category they feel into, play nice and be polite while keeping the tips mentioned above. Also, not only do good manners make you more approachable to people who might turn out to be great friends but you also come across as a nice person.
7. Be Nice When Needed….
ALWAYS. BE. NICE. Don’t hurt people and don’t offend them but…
8. If You Meet Someone You Don’t Like Or Agree Much With, Keep The Guards Up
Don’t let such people go beyond a certain point where conversations and hang outs are concerned. Be yourself but don’t let them take advantage of you by saying or doing things about or to you that you’re not very comfortable with.
9. But If They Persist Don’t Be Afraid To Be Stern
Change your approach. Be sarcastic and maybe a little caustic. Don’t go all Naomi Campbell on them but express your distaste to them. Remember, your life is yours and no body can push you around if you don’t want them to.
I hope this post helps you and feel free to ask questions if you need/want to 😀