50 Shades of Stares

Hi readers,

In recent times I’ve been made aware of the fact that there is a plethora of starers. If you’re uncomfortable about Google, Bing, Apple and other companies looking into your past, future and present via pictures, then, you’ve seriously underestimated the tharkipan (sleaze) that some people can throw your way. If their eyes are the windows to their souls, I feel really bad for their souls.

1. The Nikkahnama Stare

To those of you who do not understand Urdu or Arabic, a Nikkah is a document that two people sign when they agree to marry one another. In other words, they mutually (mostly) agree to ruin themselves- if its an arranged marriage- and their consent to do so verified by a piece of paper that they’ll only look at when considering whether to divorce one another.

The Nikkahnama stare is one that you’ll encounter if you’re a man/boy who happens to be hanging out with a woman/girl. God bestows them with a pair of eyes that automatically pairs a man and a woman together even if they’re not remotely interested in one another matrimonially. It just doesn’t make sense to the starer that the two of you might not be together.

The starer will frequently look at you and at your female friend and then, smile while hovering around you.

2. The Animal’s Stare

This is a starer that you’ll only be aware of if you’ve seen Nat Geo or Animal Planet. The starer’s stare borderlines a glare and while you might mistake the glint in his/her eyes for hatred, know that the starer is probably undressing you in his/her head and has already done a number of things to you in his/her head that you’d rather not know (I would).

This unique stare was one that a (female) friend of mine encountered when sitting with me at a coffee shop. Though we were sitting behind the coffee shop’s window, a man sitting opposite us seemed as if he were ready to jump through the glass and devour us (all the while scratching his crotch as if he were convinced there was no tomorrow).

3. The Mini-Cougar Stare- the female-specific stare

The sister-stare of the Animal Stare. I happened to experience this one at a funeral (of all places). The mini-cougar starer is one who will blatantly communicate what she wants something from you. The starer looks at you as if though you’re her favorite dish and she’s ready to pounce on you. She will also giggle, laugh out loud or trace you with her eyes every time she sees you.

Note: If the mini-cougar does not get married or action as fast as possible, she will transform into a cougar soon. No, I’m not joking.

4. The Socially-Disproving Stare

My FAVORITE. If you’re not a macho man who talks about sports, cars and makes up sex stories (frequently using crude lingo), you’ll have encountered this stare. Likewise, if you’re a woman/girl who isn’t interested in showering in a potential hubby’s money you’ll encounter this wedding too. They’ll scrunch up their noses or speak in favor of social values and pressure.

I’ve openly spoken against marriage, in support of gay marriage, the LGBT community, about how hypocritical people can be and such like. Hence, I’ve encountered such starers several times over the years. The Socially-Disproving starer is shackled to his/her hypocritical values.

5. The Hijab-Encouraging Stare

The hijab-encouraging stare is gender-neutral. Any guy or girl can experience it at any hour of any day. The starer is likely to look stare at you till you’ve shifted elsewhere or are no longer in sight. I believe that these people triggered the need to wear a hijab amongst their visual victims.

In the next post I’ll be addressing sexual stares. Feel free to give me ideas on other topics (if you want) 🙂

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