25. It’s an age that automatically gives most adults, around you, the right to ask you extremely intrusive questions- regardless of where you might be based, who you might be or what you imagine your life to be. Some of them presume that your stance on certain concepts might have changed back from when you were a teenager while others are blessed with the psychological birthright to ask you anything that has anything to do with a wife, a baby bump and a document that ties you down.
You’d think that it has something to do with them wanting you to be happy or something of the sort and in some cases the person asking you “Tho aap ke shaadi ke kya iraaday hain?” (What are your plans for marriage?) might actually want you to be happy but I can’t help but wonder WHY these people feel the natural inclination to blurt out such annoying questions. But NO. It has more to do with ensuring that your reproductive organs are in tact and capable of producing a bunch of children who they’ll go all ‘gootchy goo’ over for a few months until they remember that they (kind of) have their own lives to worry about.
I mean, as a dear friend’s driver said:
Usually the question is accompanied with a smile that shows you that the inquisitor does IN FACT have teeth. People I’ve never known to have teeth or smiling capabilities have proven me wrong.
Word of advice to people asking these questions: BACK THE HELL OFF AND MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. It really is none of your business whether or not X, Y, Z’s daughter or son is getting married. If she/he isn’t married it won’t fix your itch for a good gossip session with Khushnood or Shakoor’s wife because the truth is you’ll even question her/his choice IF she/he DOES decide to get married.
Marriage is the common person’s social ladder in Pakistan. Ironically, the people who GET married benefit LESS than the people around them who just want something to talk about. They’ll later talk about how the bride’s mother got botox or how her brother’s not married because he’s probably not straight or because he’s some software engineer who’s happy on his own in Chicago. Again- that really is none of your business.
The uncles will talk about how the Kashmiri chai ruined their stomachs or about how Shagufta used to be so beautiful back in the day but looks like she had a gastric bypass days before the wedding. Of course, this is followed by the hourly conversation of how the groom’s father’s best friend’s son’s wife’s father was in one political party before he had the audacity to join another one.
Naturally, God has intertwined the fate of all plus-sized uncles and so, its every Tom, Dick and Asshole’s business to look into what another uncle is doing or into how he might benefit him in the future.
Word of Advice to People Who Will Or Might Want To Ask Me Marriage-Related Questions
Marriage is as further away from my agenda as Pluto is from the Earth. Trust me when I say this: My stance is, has been and always will be AGAINST marriage. I refuse to attach myself to anyone matrimonially. I do not intend on making anyone’s daughter happy (while ruining myself in the process) because of a piece of paper that binds me to her for life (shudder).
So, in short:
Aunties and uncles- who gets married to who, when, where or why is really none of your business. Who doesn’t get married and the reasons for his/her choices is none of your concern either. If you want to climb the social ladder or benefit monetarily, try getting on LinkedIn and Facebook. This is the 21st century and getting your child married to Bunto’s daughter or son is something that’s only legit if you intend on stepping into a time machine and go back to the time period when monarchies mattered. Now, I know that you want to feel royal, entitled and what not but please, this just isn’t the way to do so.