And The Marriage Rants Begin

25. It’s an age that automatically gives most adults, around you, the right to ask you extremely intrusive questions- regardless of where you might be based, who you might be or what you imagine your life to be. Some of them presume that your stance on certain concepts might have changed back from when you were a teenager while others are blessed with the psychological birthright to ask you anything that has anything to do with a wife, a baby bump and a document that ties you down.

You’d think that it has something to do with them wanting you to be happy or something of the sort and in some cases the person asking you “Tho aap ke shaadi ke kya iraaday hain?” (What are your plans for marriage?) might actually want you to be happy but I can’t help but wonder WHY these people feel the natural inclination to blurt out such annoying questions. But NO. It has more to do with ensuring that your reproductive organs are in tact and capable of producing a bunch of children who they’ll go all ‘gootchy goo’ over for a few months until they remember that they (kind of) have their own lives to worry about.

I mean, as a dear friend’s driver said:


Usually the question is accompanied with a smile that shows you that the inquisitor does IN FACT have teeth. People I’ve never known to have teeth or smiling capabilities have proven me wrong.

Word of advice to people asking these questions: BACK THE HELL OFF AND MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. It really is none of your business whether or not X, Y, Z’s daughter or son is getting married. If she/he isn’t married it won’t fix your itch for a good gossip session with Khushnood or Shakoor’s wife because the truth is you’ll even question her/his choice IF she/he DOES decide to get married.

Marriage is the common person’s social ladder inΒ  Pakistan. Ironically, the people who GET married benefit LESS than the people around them who just want something to talk about. They’ll later talk about how the bride’s mother got botox or how her brother’s not married because he’s probably not straight or because he’s some software engineer who’s happy on his own in Chicago. Again- that really is none of your business.

The uncles will talk about how the Kashmiri chai ruined their stomachs or about how Shagufta used to be so beautiful back in the day but looks like she had a gastric bypass days before the wedding. Of course, this is followed by the hourly conversation of how the groom’s father’s best friend’s son’s wife’s father was in one political party before he had the audacity to join another one.

Naturally, God has intertwined the fate of all plus-sized uncles and so, its every Tom, Dick and Asshole’s business to look into what another uncle is doing or into how he might benefit him in the future.

Word of Advice to People Who Will Or Might Want To Ask Me Marriage-Related Questions

Marriage is as further away from my agenda as Pluto is from the Earth. Trust me when I say this: My stance is, has been and always will be AGAINST marriage. I refuse to attach myself to anyone matrimonially. I do not intend on making anyone’s daughter happy (while ruining myself in the process) because of a piece of paper that binds me to her for life (shudder).

So, in short:

Aunties and uncles- who gets married to who, when, where or why is really none of your business. Who doesn’t get married and the reasons for his/her choices is none of your concern either. If you want to climb the social ladder or benefit monetarily, try getting on LinkedIn and Facebook. This is the 21st century and getting your child married to Bunto’s daughter or son is something that’s only legit if you intend on stepping into a time machine and go back to the time period when monarchies mattered. Now, I know that you want to feel royal, entitled and what not but please, this just isn’t the way to do so.


8 thoughts on “And The Marriage Rants Begin

  1. trrrtuk

    what about sex? do you believe sex has anything to do with marriage as our society believes? If you do conform to societal norms, then you won’t have sex?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Humzah Raja Post author

      Thank you for reading the post πŸ™‚ That is an interesting question.

      I think that sex, sexual preferences, orientation and activity has less to do with society and more to do with who you are as a person. And absolutely nothing to do with society or marriage. Conformity to societal norms would mean not having sex until certain criteria, set by society, are met. I hope I’ve answered your question. If not, feel free to ask more questions.


  2. trrrtuk

    I don’t agree with part of what you have said. Sex, sexual preferences, orientation and activity have a lot to do with society. The society and environment you grow up and live in has a huge impact on how you think and behave. They shape who we are. It is more than just genes!

    One thing, however, you don’t state is whether you would want to be in a relationship outside of marriage or you do not want to be in any relationship and hence you don’t need to marry. Outside of societal norms what is it in marriage that you don’t like?


    1. Humzah Raja Post author

      I have a “to each his/her own” policy. You’re entitled to your opinion πŸ™‚ I do not believe that society or the environment you grow up in shapes us up, for instance. We can both debate on that privately (but again- to each his own).
      I’ve often stated I have no qualms with relationships outside of marriage. Also, when I talk about marriage, I am referring to myself- not others. How others decide to live their lives is up to them.
      Lastly, there are too many things that I do not like about marriage which I will cover in future posts. Again, we can discover those in private. My email ID is Send me an email if you wish to talk πŸ™‚ I look forward to your feedback and take on these matters.


  3. trrrtuk

    I completely respect your opinion. But society/environment impact us all. For example people who practice religion or at least live in societies have to conform to certain norms on what they can eat (no beef for Hindus) and when they eat it (turkey Christmas). Another example is if one is born in a poor family. The hardships and stress one experiences, does shape one’s perception and thinking. We are social animals.
    Even your antagonism on marriage may be because of the society you live in.


    1. Humzah Raja Post author

      I’m not rejecting all that you’re saying but I do differ with you in some areas. My antagonism doesn’t really have much to do with the society I live in (just BTW). However to each their own πŸ™‚



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