Selfies That Need to Stay in 2014- Part 1

If you know me you’ll be aware of my hatred towards selfies but there are some selfies that really, really need to stay in 2014. Before I start, I’d also like to explain what constitutes a selfie to me: when one person’s desire to be photographed overpowers him/her to the extent that he/she wants nothing more than to be visually available to the world is when you can accuse him or her of being a selfie-itte. Taking pictures with family members and friends does NOT constitute a selfie.

Taking such selfies too frequently might cause some people to suffer due to Post Traumatic Selfie Disorder.

Anyway, moving on:

1. The Selfie of the Atrocious Label Addict

Some people use the word ‘whore’ but I love the word and have too much respect for it to fit the word into this title. Anyway, the Label Addict takes selfies only to show off that he/she owns a particular label. Now, there’s nothing wrong with that if you’re a model, actor/actress who’s being paid to promote a product. But if you don’t fall into those categories, feel free to keep your LV bags and Gucci shoes in your cupboard.

If we wanted to see what products those companies were making, we could just walk into one of their stores or go online without having to worry about getting eye sores.

2. The Phelfie

Phelfies are the selfie-itte’s way of showing that he or she is using an Android or Apple phone. Its awesome that you want to show off your phones and what not but please understand (A) No one really cares about what phone you’re using and (B) Having said that Apple’s over and overrated and has been ever since Steve Jobs died.

3.  The Em-elfie

This is probably one of the most abhorrent selfies I’ve ever come across. Selfie-ittes who take pictures to express that they’re #sad #missingyou or #annoyed need to to remember another hashtag: #NooneCares. If you’ve got an issue, visit a psychiatrist or psychologist. I mean, sure you’ll make him/her want to kill himself/herself but psychologists and psychiatrists get paid to make observations and see your face and analyze your moods. The rest of us don’t.

If you’re happy and WITH someone, feel free to smile and take a few pictures (which as per Clause No.1 of the Anti-Selfie Humzah Act) does NOT constitute a selfie.

4. The Angle-elfie

Another ANNOYING selfie. The selfie-ittes tries to find his/her best angle when taking a selfie and that’s OK but if you’re putting up all of your selfies, as you take them, that clearly just shows that you’re fishing for compliments. Please, refrain from saying shit like #OMGILOOKSOBAD, #BadAngleLol and other crap of the sort and try to do something more useful with your time. Maybe pray to God to epiphanize you (provide you with an epiphany) so you’re aware of your ‘good’ angles OR maybe you could go read a book. You DO remember what books are, right? You know those things that you used to read before you decided to go all Selfie-mundo on the world? The ones with words in them that could actually do your brain some good? Yeah, THOSE are called books.

5. The Drunkfie

The drunkfie is taken by selfie-ittes who want to show off that they’re drunk. A drunkfie, to a selfie-itte, is what gym is to people who want to lose weight- a birthright, a necessity and important.

Look, the world knows that you’ve got (your parents’ who don’t know what you’re up to) money to spend on booze. This might come as a shock but a lot of us really don’t care to see you drunk and selfie-d. I swear. Shocker- I know!

6. The Wakefie

The wakefie is the selfie-ittes way of telling you that he or she is awake. Some people wake up and eat breakfast whereas these kind and selfless people decide to bless us with visual proof that they’re awake. Please, roll out the red carpets for their Highnesses people. Our day COULDN’T go by if we didn’t know they were awake. More importantly they’re telling us how to stretch and be lazy in bed. How educational.


5 thoughts on “Selfies That Need to Stay in 2014- Part 1

  1. Ammara

    The modern phone-bearing world is divided into two kinds of people, those who selfie and those who dont(or the in-the-closet selfiites). I’ll gladly jump on the hate bandwagon against these insipid self-promoting promiscuity, but from the point of historical documentation,it’s brilliant. I mean imagine being able to look at selfies from ancient Rome #bitchesdigmytoga. Surely, vanity has become more socially acceptable, but selfies are the modern residue of the culture revolving around self-portraits which has existed since man saw his own reflection(possibly). A moment of silence for the bodies who are ensalved to the camera for in their physical absence resides a virtual presence, mindless as they may be twenty years later their vain efforts might just provide an insight into the ‘demise of the duck face’ or perhaps may aid in looking for medical solutions for post traumatic selfie disorders,as you so eloquently put it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Humzah Raja Post author

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on this post Ammara! The #bitchesdigmytoga bit really made me laugh. Yes, I agree the selfie concept has made vanity more acceptable but it’s also had an impact on how people behave with one another- so long as they look good on selfies, they don’t need to talk, like or respect each other because the knowledge of another selfie coming up is what brings them together.
      Hahahaha thank you for your hilarious and sarcastic comment. 🙂 I’ll be covering more on the topic while using a serious tone on my other blog- Do take the time to read it when I post it up.
      Thank you for reading this blog post again and may God forever bless you with an absence of selfie-ittes.


    1. Humzah Raja Post author

      Thank you ! That truly means a lot and makes me smile 🙂 Oh, I’m perpetually blessed with haphazard thoughts 🙂 So, that’s something you won’t have to worry about! 😀



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