Insecurity is an ugly thing and what’s even worse than the fact that something so wretched exists is that it is often a product of what bullies say to us with bad intentions.
Having grown up in a city and amongst people who did nothing but manipulate others and then, use their insecurities to bring them down, I’m aware of the impact of emotional bullying on one’s personal growth, confidence and that little voice in your head- that tells you that you are worthless, incapable, a horrible person, unworthy, dumb, look horrible, fat or thin, undeserving of someone or something, etc. – makes you believe that you ARE your insecurities.
But here’s the thing: those aren’t YOUR characteristics nor do they define you. That isn’t YOUR voice- it’s the collective ranting of what everyone else wants you to believe about yourself.
They’re really just words that have been thrown at you and absorbed by your subconscious mind because a bunch of insensitive, hurtful, morons out there are trying their best to make you believe you’re like them. You’re just giving power to words- untrue words- that have no meaning or bearing on your existence, capabilities and personality. If anything, the people uttering the words that make you feel negatively, about yourself, ARE the words that they ‘inflict’ upon you.
Think about it: they live in this toxic world where they believe that degrading another is positive or something that is ‘required’ for a healthy lifestyle OR they do so intentionally, to bring you down because they’re rotten to the core but they’ll pass it off as something that was ‘meant to be funny’ or something that they ‘didn’t mean’. The problem with that is that the label assigned to the person by ANYONE, in that manner, becomes THEIR reality because they allow themselves to believe that there exists a correlation between the insults and their personality.
Exhibit A (personal experience)
When I had lost enough weight but was still prone to self-doubt and internal conflict because I believed what others told me was true, someone I once called a friend told me that I had lost too much weight, started looking anorexic (which is a word one should never just throw around casually, considering the gravity of anorexia) and horrible. In my personal opinion I looked fine. My best friends- extremely positive people who have a habit of calling a spade a spade and are blunt enough to let me and each other know when we’re wrong- felt the same way about me. But then, here was an outsider, who came from a horrible world where all people did was thrive on one another’s negativity and bitching, who’s words felt like this visceral cut, who WANTED me to believe that I was the decimated person that he thought me to be in his head.
Was I that person? No, I wasn’t. I was eating well, looked healthier than he wanted me to believe and I was more than happy and comfortable in my skin, when I look back now, BUT his words did affect my confidence. Why? Because I, the owner of the body that the self-loathing person above commented on, gave HIS words power and believed in what HE told me……even though none of it was true.
A GORGEOUS friend of mine fell into an unfortunate ‘clique’ that made her believe that they were ‘hot’ while she was ‘not’- yes, somehow such people do exist in this world. Please note, that the said clique itself had more makeup on than a chocolate cake with 3 layers of frosting and were rotten to the core. Said friend had an amazing personality, a good heart and a great personality- BUT words thrown at her by her clique made her believe otherwise. Though she recovered from the damage done to her self-esteem, it took her a long while to get where she is today. However, was she what her wanted her to believe about herself?
Not really but the fact that she allowed herself to dwell over the words of her haters and let them affect her, put her into a world of confusion and insecurities that made her believe that she was what others wanted her to believe.
In other words, (you can jump to this part and skip Exhibits A and B), you are not the words that people throw at you and nor are you as flawed as they’d like you to believe. If anything, those who inflict emotional harm on you, your personality and/or appearance are the ones who carry their insecurities and project what they believe about themselves, onto others.
So, how do you DEAL with insecurities once you’ve adopted them?
Understand that what you have allowed yourself to feel is NONE of your business and concern. It is simply a product of the types of people you have had to deal with but what they think of you and believe in regards to any aspect of your life does NOT affect you nor determine what or who you are as a person.
Once you’ve internalized this fact, separate your thoughts from the words and thoughts that have been fed to you by the people that have caused you to feel negatively about yourself. And now focus primarily on the thoughts that are related to your existence and general being.
If YOU, as an individual, are unsatisfied with your weight, job, friends, first accept the issue and then, focus on solving the problem. Hit a gym. Find a gym and focus on losing or gaining weight. Meet people who are secure with themselves and celebrate you instead of hanging out with clicks and insecure people who can’t see beyond the flaws.
And lastly, know that you’re the ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD who can change things for yourself. Others will always have an opinion of you, no matter what your intentions are/were for an act. 10 people might support a step you take or a decision you make or a 100 might be against something you do but what you feed your thoughts, mind and brain is dependent on you.
At the end of the day, you’ve GOT to ask yourself this question: am I my own person or am I becoming someone that others want/judge/perceive me to be? If you’re your own person, you’ll be able to brush aside the bullshit thrown your way by those who insult you. If not, well…..read this article again 😛
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