Ever come across people who uplift your mood, make you feel better about yourself and always seem to be happy, no matter what happens to them (good or bad)? It’s not that they put any effort into making you feel that way about yourself….it’s just that their existence gives you that energy boost that you needed. Their ‘beingness’ inspires you to become a better person and/or you learn a lot from them just by being with them. Such people are known to be positive people because of the unintentional impact they have on others. They carry this vibe with them that automatically makes everything bad seem small and everything good seem even better than it might already be. They are what and how they are with everyone to the face and behind their backs, too.
These are the positive people of the world who unknowingly, unintentionally (and in some cases unwittingly) and lovingly encourage you to be better, do better and to be a better version of yourself.
On the other end of the spectrum, there are those whose mere presence makes you feel uncomfortable. They’re discouraging, spiteful and make anyone and everyone feel lowly about themselves and do not hesitate to backbite about others (regardless of how good or bad a person might be). Such people have an overwhelming presence, carry a negative vibe and always make you feel inhibited, awful about yourself and their only source of entertainment is other people. Their conversations will revolve around other people, their deeds and they will put others down, intentionally and unintentionally, both.
These are the negative people of the world who have no issues taking others down, talking about them behind their backs and no matter how nice you try to be towards them, they will always try to find some way to bring you (and others) down, one way or the other. Your energy levels drop around them and they cause you to unknowingly and unwittingly harbor thoughts of self-doubt, self-loathing, and this, in turn, affects your self-esteem.
Oftentimes, positive people seem to attract a sea of negative people. These people appear in their families, social circles, amongst their friends or they’re mere acquaintances and strangers who somehow seem to form an affiliation with their positive counterparts. Think you’re positive but don’t know why you seem to attract the muck of the earth? Here are a few possible reasons:
You’re negative yourself.
I don’t know how else to put it….so I’m just going to put it out there: you probably share a few traits with the people (or groups of people) who you avoid. I’ve seen many people who are good at heart and might say or do things that aren’t entirely negative BUT they will almost always share a few traits with the same people that they complain about.
A lot of times what happens is (at least in my personal experience) that people who are otherwise positive about 95 % of the time, will say or do things that are pretty much in line with what neggies (negative people) say or do. For example, they’ll sit and talk about other people behind their backs and are later baffled to find out someone was or is doing the same to them.
Sorry to break it to you but you attract what you are. Maybe you’re not a bad person at heart but you’re ENABLING such behavior which is why what you do to others, happens to you. This IS Karma in action….or as Justin Timberlake put it “What Goes Around (chorus), Come Around”.
You’re easy-going, sweet and carefree.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being either of those but (something I’ve personally seen and recognized) the problem comes when you assume others share the same general outlook and approach on life. Oftentimes, positive people tend to be happy-go-lucky and don’t mind giving others a second (third, fourth, 100th) chance but when you find yourself doing so more than you need to, you’re inviting such people into your lives.
It’s all energy, really. Think about it: you’re dedicating a certain amount of time and investing a certain amount of energy into negative people. Neither you nor the negative person in front of you is aware of the fact that you’re GIVING them YOUR energy by listening to them and giving them the chance to complain, bitch (about things or people- mostly people) and make you feel lowly about yourself some way or the other and they TAKE that energy by taking up your time….and quite literally, your energy too.
Ever noticed how you feel irritable, annoyed and lethargic after hanging out with such people? Compare this with how you feel when you’re passing by a sweaty, smelly person who you just KNOW isn’t wearing deodorant. Get the comparison? No? Well, like the analogical smelly person, a person who you feel drained and tired around is (as obviously as the same analogical stink bomb) most likely to be a negative person who you just spent a ton of time and energy on!
Be as you please but know where you’re spending your energy and allocate it to the right sources, people and things.
You think it’s a norm.
Positive people with a ‘be that as it may’ and accepting attitude are GREAT but when they think that it’s a norm and ‘okay’ to have people around them who do nothing but bitch, backstab, gossip and crap on one another- that’s when ISH HITS THE FAN.
No, drama is not a norm. No, being treated like crap is not normal. No, not everyone is as sweet, transparent or nice as you are. NONE OF IT IS NORMAL. By realizing this you can just filter out the people who contribute to negativity in their own lives and who unwittingly do the same to yours….and let in the positive, constructive ones who would ACTUALLY boost your self-esteem, self-confidence and self-image.
YOU have control over your life. YOU attract people to your life and you can just as well cut them out of it. YOU need to realize that being around people who pull you down, have no faith in you and make you feel like crap about yourself are NOT GOOD PEOPLE NOR SHOULD YOU INCLUE THEM IN YOUR LIVES.
Been there, done that. Having your heart broken (not necessarily by a romantic partner/lover) by someone or the other might cause you to need a lending hand. Under such circumstances you’re likely to take help from anyone who can provide you with the emotional help you need. Your emotions are like the bait on a fishhook while your potential support system is like a sea filled with clownfish and sharks.
If you’re not careful with who you’re revealing them to, you WILL come across a shark who just enjoys making you feel lowly about yourself…..and they might not even be aware of the fact that they enjoy your misery.
You want to be loved or needed.
No one can rescue a damsel who enjoys her distress and this applies to positive people too. Everyone has had an unfortunate moment (or series of moments) that broke their heart or made them feel lowly about themselves. Such moments have two affects on people: they learn, let go and become generally positive about life OR they don’t learn, CAN’T let go and this makes them angry, bitter or sad people who are trapped in a vicious cycle where their negative outlook feeds their negative lifestyle and their negative lifestyle continues to validate their negative outlook on life.
Positive people understand this and can empathize with their negative counterparts. They try to SHOW them the positives of life. Here’s the problem: the negative person has gone through SO MANY instances (not necessarily visible or understandable to others) in their lives that it has affected their outlook in a way that has changed their perception on life. And a positive person who understands this WANTS to change another’s -at least one who has attracted such a person- outlook simply because they want to help…..AND because they like to feel that they are needed.
If you fall under this category you might even have dated someone who made you feel horribly about yourself or you may have surrounded yourself with toxic friends, family members and employers who contributed to the negativity UNDER YOUR NOSE. Friends who backbite about you or one another are NOT YOUR friends. Family members who are not cool with you (insofar- I studied law so I can legit use this term….but then I left it- as you are not hurting other) and make you feel badly about yourself are NOT “family” and a partner who cheats on you is NOT a good person. Stop telling yourself and others “at least they helped me” or “at least he/she was there for me when I needed him/her most”.
You’re nice and sweet and, that’s not a bad thing….unless you’re attracting negative people who act like hornets to a flower. A negative person is likely to view your support and help in a manner that is not only damaging to themselves but is also damaging to you. They might not share the same views or outlook on life as you and being as negative as they, they’re much more likely to perceive what you’re telling them, negatively.
For example, a simple word of advice on how to handle finances might be taken in an offensive manner (happened to me a few years ago); an advice on weight loss would be treated defensively (also happened to me a few years ago) OR a lending hand might be mocked behind your back or seen as an ulterior motive (*insert previous bracket texts here*).
It’s fine to love and spread the love or to want to help people but someone who does not appreciate nor want your compassion but DOES mock it is NOT your friend. As the saying goes: you can’t put a flower in an ass an call it a vase.
Let me know if there are any other topics you’d like me to address and feel free to comment below 🙂 Hope this article helps y’all!